bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
