I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
