btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
