She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
why do cheetos always look like penises
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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