am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
