Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
