I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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