Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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