You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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