he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
