The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
