the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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