my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize