i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
