i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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