new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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