Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
