I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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