ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
