WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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