Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize