guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize