i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's always time for handjobs
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
