I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize