I love black thongs
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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