she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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