i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
