There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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