she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize