i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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