i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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