If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
