my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Randomize
