Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize