This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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