guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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