I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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