We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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