we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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