My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
