Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Randomize
