I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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