We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
