Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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