The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
