i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
