Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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