i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
