Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
