Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
