dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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