we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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