I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He kissed a someone with a penis
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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