In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize