If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
