I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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