apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize