I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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