I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
