you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
