How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
