epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
