I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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