True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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