Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
