...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize