i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
