Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
