He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
