If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
