I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
are you so shy because you have an std?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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