from now on my penis is your penis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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