Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
time to smoke my breakfast
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
