in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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