There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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