i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
