Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
